For those looking to truly heal anything in their lives, you must be able to navigate & integrate, loss, heartbreak & the ability to learn how to let go, because loss is a fact of life & a big component to healing. And yet, for those closest to me, they’ve heard me rage at how much I sometimes hate the way life is at times. I’ve said life is heartbreaking & this is one of those moments. I don’t like the way life is set up. This is terrible. When I first heard the news, I was sitting at my desk, writing, while relaxing on a cold & gloomy Sunday morning. English premier soccer in the background, when all of a sudden the news interrupted & it said that Kobe Bryant had died at the age of 41, in a helicopter crash along side his precious 13 year old daughter, Gianna & several others. I was slack-jawed in shock, but quickly moved to grief, while repeating to myself that this is awful & crying. I’m intuitive & sensitive, so naturally I moved to wanting to know wtf happened. “Wait, what, they crashed in an open field in the Calabasas area, this don’t make sense …” Forget the rest of that, here’s my point … don’t try & rationalize or intellectualize your grief away, it’s not healthy. Also, being angry in life is easy, although, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable & to grieve is not – it takes courage. If you’re truly looking to heal anything deeply in your life, or to learn how to effectively fully process emotions, it must be done… and that’s where I’m at with this. I’m a Southern California boy who grew up over the last 20 years plus, having Kobe Bryant as a part of my daily conversation; & now this. Point number two: listen to your intuition! For some, it’s that small faint voice that is guiding you, telling you what to do & what you shouldn’t do … maybe they should have listened to the warnings about the weather & waited or turned back. Who knows, it doesn’t matter, because like I said, stop trying to rationalize your grief away! Listen to your intuition – it’s a small but mighty voice. Don’t drown it out with your agenda. .
Okay I have my own small, but personally impactful Kobe story I’d like to share with you. Kobe got drafted into the NBA in 1996 & I had just graduated Chiropractic College. I’m not sure the exact timing, but it was somewhere right around that time. I’m six years older than he was. I’m about twenty six & he’s probably 20 at the time. I was at this night club in Los Angeles on the Sunset strip; I think it was called Bar one at the time. I was just arriving walking up to the velvet ropes, when I saw @shaq walking my way. Holy shit! that’s the first time I saw the big fella in person & he was massive. Other Lakers followed & I soon found myself in the club checking out all the pretty girls & of course the Lakers hanging & having a good time. I was young & naive & I wasn’t a big drinker, so I found myself wandering around the club just chillin not having much game besides my cute face👹… & that’s when I met Kobe. He didn’t look happy to be there. I remember the feeling vividly. He looked like a defiant kid sitting alone, on the back of a couch with his feet dangling off the back of it, hunched back like a child waiting for a parent to pick him up from after school. I was star-struck even though I was older. I walked up to him I said hi & told him I was a fan … & then I failed miserably with a joke when I asked him how he got into the club since he wasn’t old enough yet to be there (idiot! gosh! in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice. I was so embarrassed🤦♂️). All I remember is getting the typical surely Kobe look, that all of us have become accustomed to expect from him when question why he looked so unhappy when the Lakers were up 2-0, & Kobe responding with, “the job ain’t done yet, there isn’t anything to be happy about.” And in that moment, I got an entire silent communication from him, just from a look, & here’s what he said to me … at least that’s what I interpreted.
“Harold, don’t be afraid of your intensity & stop caring about being liked or fitting in”. Well I got that message loud & clear & I’ve never forgot it. In fact, every time I’ve watched Kobe play, that’s a story I always silently remembered. Looking back, I soon learned why he was in a bad mood that day & I also realized in my own way who I saw him to be. He wanted to be the best & he probably only cared about being liked, second to winning at all costs. He wanted no part of hanging out in clubs, drinking & partying. @Shaq & the rest of the older guys pressured him to change, to be a part of the group, but that wasn’t Kobe. He was a fiercely determined person who did not care what people thought of him, he only cared about building his craft. That’s what I learned from Kobe that day, & that’s who he was & it’s stuck with me ever since. Yesterday was a terrible day. I was surprised to wake up this morning to a beautiful typical Los Angeles day, since yesterday was so gloomy. Wtf!💧 What will you do with your grief?
What creative way will you express it & turn it into a contribution to your life & others?
Kobe would push you to figure those answers out.
Mamba mentality forever 🖤🐍🖤