Some say that coaches shouldn’t share about their struggles as it may reduce their credibility when it comes to guiding others.
An alternative way of looking at this, is that those practitioners who have the security to share their process & reveal their inner-workings with others, is in fact what gives them credibility. It’s their ability to share their shame, rather than hide it, that shows their growth, so that others can learn & grow from it.
Throughout my career, I’ve seen numerous people who’ve had shame about feeling a certain way, thinking they “should be happy” when it comes to certain occasions in their life …
… however, my education has taught me that shame is defined as: something should or should not be (or feel) this way.
For example: Getting married, being married; being pregnant; going on vacation; being promoted; finding love, etc. “should” be followed by happy feelings, & never by anxiety, sadness, anger, melancholy, or other negative emotions.
People have all sorts of history that can complicate the happiest of occasions: unresolved past trauma; parents who fought a lot or didn’t really love each other; familial issues that have been passed along; or simply had missteps in their own lives that still require healing.
And so, one would say that me getting married, having wanted to find love, but also having previously been single for 13 years, “should” be a happy & joyous occasion. It is for sure, but it brings so much more for me.
For various reasons, I also feel excited, nervous, anxious & overwhelmed with feelings, some of which I have yet to recognize.
I’m excited I’ve chosen a great woman.
I’m nervous everyone won’t have a good time & the event won’t be everything she’s hoping for.
I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention in this way, & being in the position to have people take care of me, rather than my usual role of taking care of others.
I’m overwhelmed with feelings for many reasons & I’m working on letting go of controlling them & sharing with others what’s going on.
I think I’ll rest my thoughts on focusing on knowing how much I love & adore her & leave the rest up to everyone else.