Don't judge

Don't judge your communications solely based on how it feels, base it off of whether you're engendering others' support or repelling it. Ask for feedback from credible sources if you can't tell the difference.

Many people judge whether they are communicating effectively based on whether it feels good or not.

This is a terrible idea, considering people repetitively say stupid shit simply based on the idea that it feels good when they are saying it, even if things don’t necessarily go very well or they don’t get the outcome they prefer.

Guys are especially guilty of this. We tend to hold on to pride a little tighter than women do. We say things with our chests as we bask in the pride of “keeping it real” but then fail to look around as we’ve alienated everyone in the process.

Part of coaching is to help people see that staying in their behavioral comfort zones might not be the best path or method to deploy; and often times, it’s by becoming conscious of these ineffective outcomes that we begin to learn that sometimes feeling uncomfortable or "badly” can often bring about more favorable results. The trick then becomes about integrating & metabolizing these new behavioral pathways & communication styles until they become comfortable & second nature.