Boys to Men

Instead of resolutions, every new year I have a theme. My theme for last year was to question & consider what it means to be a man.

It’s not that I’ve struggled with this question, but it became appropriate after getting engaged & heading into marriage.

So after some introspection, I’m left with some thoughts, feelings & ideas on the matter that I’d like to share.

There are some behaviors that may seem obvious to illustrate of what it means to be a man, like being able to provide for a family & being able to protect. But depending on the man, his particular contribution could look different.

Does having an open heart define what it means to be a man? What about being a good person, who’s generous & giving? 

These sorts of things are nice, but they don’t necessarily define what it really means to be a man.

For some men, they bring a financial contribution that has the ability to take care of so much.

For others, they bring emotional intelligence & support, & are able to find their way through the toughest of times, that other men crumble in the face of.

Some men bring brute strength & a physical presence that is often seen as a big attribute in a mate.

Other men don’t have enough physical strength to protect a fly, let alone their partner, but their contribution could be extraordinary intelligence.

Every man has his own unique contribution for what it means to be a man, that’s particular to him.

Being a man has a lot to do with providing & protecting, however these are just the physical, tangible characteristics.

Being a man also has to do with a guy's ability to take full responsibility for his life. Outside of anything tangible he can provide, it’s an aspect of his character that seems to count the most.

He no longer is victimized by life, even though he might have been a victim at the hand of someone or something in his past. He might still struggle & need help healing things that have happened to him, but he doesn’t constantly feel like life has done him wrong.

Lastly, there’s the element of allegiance with not being tethered to his family of origin in such a way that it may interfere with his relationship & ability to participate with the family that he’s created. If he does, it usually speaks to an unresolved wound of his childhood.

Here’s the trick though.

He cannot simply disconnect from these issues of his past, nor can he just disengage from his family of origin, all the while holding onto resentment & a myriad of other emotions. All this must be dealt with.

Without working those things out, he will unknowingly continue to engage in victim mentality, ranging from tantrums, rage, blame, defensiveness & a host of other insidious childish characteristics, unbecoming of what it means to be a man.