Myths about your 40’s

Myth #1 
You should have your life all figured out by now.

What does that even mean? Is life ever figured out? By now, you probably should have an inkling of insight into the fact that this is an illusion. I was single with no kids until I was 50. I was lucky to have had a vision for my work & life, but was still executing on making it into a reality. Also, a lot of maturing & growth took place starting at 40 for me.

Your 40’s are a time where you should be actively involved with continuing to learn from all the mistakes you’ve made up to this point, & to use those lessons to course correct. Get a coach to help you get clear with it all.

Myth #2
You should have purchased a house by now.

What “entitles” you to that? People don’t know you or your situation. I was 50 when I purchased my first home with my wife. Stop paying attention to other people’s path, it has absolutely nothing to do with your life.

Myth #3
You should be married & have kids by now.

Who says!? People, for the most part, don’t know you, or your struggles. I got married at 50, for the first & only time. We’re not having kids, & I had no idea that was going to be the case. My vision, for years, included becoming an older father, & I never saw my life in any other way, until I met Lindsay. However, if you’re serious about making that happen, do something different. Get a coach, find a match maker. Put your money where your mouth is.

Myth #4
You should be happy by now.

You thought that when you got the house, the kids, the wife or husband & the white picket fence, you should be happy!?

Ha! That’s hilarious. But common & understandable. Being content in ones own skin & life has nothing to do with these "achievements" per se. Sure, it might be a life long dream, but any of those things, in & of themselves, will not fill your emotional bucket. You are the only one who can do that. Besides, happiness is not a thing to strive for. Joy & contentment, however are better to consider. As opposed to happiness, which is based on getting things or not, these terms are in relationship to whatever is going on within our lives.

Myth #5
You shouldn’t struggle with childhood traumas anymore. Its stupid to still struggle.

This is just not true. Despite what most might not like to think, trauma never really goes away. We can only transform our relationship to that trauma, & then ultimately turn it into a contribution ... we can never “get rid" of it.

The saying that “time heals all wounds” is just not true. Sure, time can help ease the pain, but time in & of itself does not heal wounds … intention, focus & working them out does that.

Myth #6
You should have vision, purpose & clarity in your life at this point & if you don’t, you'll feel like a failure.

Sure, I was clear with a lot of my purpose when I was younger, but not everyone is blessed with that. Everyone is blessed in different ways; I happen to get that. A good coach can certainly help you tackle this area of your life & help to clarify your purpose. However, while in search for those things within yourself, you can also learn healthier ways to live & contribute to people & feel proud of those contributions.

Myth #7
"I thought that certain things, like marriage, kids, money, career, & a craft should have happened for me by now."

These things don’t just magically show up for everyone & they’re not entitlements. Like I said before, mere time & hope are not strategies for certain things to come into existence for us. For some of us, & within certain areas of our lives, we have past trauma & shame that “prevents” or blocks us from these things from showing up.

As for a career & craft, it takes years of dedication, day after day, to create those things. You don’t just wake up to them, regardless of what you see on Instagram; you actually have to earn it.

Myth #8
“I used to have a ton of friends, what happened to all of them?”

For those that still have those childhood friendships, great. The older I got, the fewer friends I found myself with. It’s not that I wasn’t interested, it just became more difficult. I was single with no kids, & totally focused on my evolution & building my career. I dated, hung out here & there with a few friends, but for the most part, I didn’t have much energy left over. Plus, as you continue to heal & evolve in your life, you become more discerning as to the company you keep.

Our 40’s are a unique time. Depending on the area of life you struggle with, it could be a time of focus to make things happen. In some areas, it could be a time where things are breaking down, like a marriage or ones health. They say time heals all wounds, but that is just not so; it actually reveals them. Our 40’s are a time where issues that have been brewing for many years, begin to reveal themselves to us. Things about our issues, behaviors, bad habits & patterns all seem to rise to the surface and are revealed to us & all those around us, in all their glory. Our 40’s are a time to acknowledge these things, & for us to let go of being shocked about how our life turned out.

Maintaining that shock or resentment in this way, only perpetuates the problems into our 50’s, which is not a good look. It’s never too late to be what you might have been. Own your stuff, get a coach & make some changes. Get remarried in your 50’s, have another kid, get in great shape, evolve, grow & heal. Who says it’s over?