Not Enough
As a coach and healer, it’s vital to know what we can heal and change, and what we cannot. This share is about something that I can never change, other than my relationship with it. Maybe you can relate.
We’re just into the New Year, and I can feel the familiar “not enough” noise that I’m no stranger to.
This “not enough” noise has been present for me ever since I can remember. It’s often found hanging around my mind, looking for an opportunity when I might give it some attention, and entertain it as if it’s actually true.
In recent years, I’ve grown more disciplined in not listening to this noise as if it has any credibility, because it doesn’t.
Logically, I know that I’m more than enough, and that I’m not going to be taking any action from this false narrative, but that never stops the voice from chirping.
I’ve been working for years to get to this place I am now, where I realize I’m not going to be getting rid of this noise. I’ve noticed all the places it lurks, hides and morphs into, like not being enough, doing enough, having enough, making enough, creating enough, working hard enough. Frankly, I’ve had enough of this voice … but it’s still not going anywhere.
A lot of big things have gone on in my life and the lives of my family these last few years, which gave me a chance to see this “not enough” noise at work.
No amount of proving it wrong, or trying to out-work this voice has proven successful. One more reminder that we cannot solve emotional issues with physical solutions.
All the iterations of “not enough” have shown their face these past few years, since meeting Lindsay.
During our short time together Lindsay’s father sadly passed away; we got engaged; bought a house; moved in with each other; got married; and dealt other familial stresses & health issues.
Even with our strong relationship, it doesn’t always stop “not enough” from showing up. Sometimes, the good times can inflame our wounds.
This noise is both the most destructive and creative energy that can drive me; it has always been that way and I now know it will always be something I’m on the look out for.
I’ve been growing, healing, and learning how to navigate this noise of “not enough.” I’m aware of its constant presence within my life and the powerful effect it can have on me.
Although “not enough” lurks (and I presume it always will), my connection and integration of it in my life is much greater. That’s healing. That’s change. That’s my work.